Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
