come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize