What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
