yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
