I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
