my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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