Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
