That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The air taste purple.
Randomize
