How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
