Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
