Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
