I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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