You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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