why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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