My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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