So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
