I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
