this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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