My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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