your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
