Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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