I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
