To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize