Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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