Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
