ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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