sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
