I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
