if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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