My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they call him Oral-B. enough said
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
