i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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