where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
