I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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