I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
whose parrot is this?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
