He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize