I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
