WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Come on in and take your pants off
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