Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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