I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
