i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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