You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
