Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
nutella sex= disaster
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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