And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
