He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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