And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just fell off a train. Bad.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize