It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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