I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
