did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
