Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
