i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
