i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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