Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
