dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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