i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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