I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
