all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize