I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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