I puked a lego.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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