i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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