did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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