At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
