"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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