I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
