im six kinds of drunk right now
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
