Fuck appropriateness.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
