Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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