If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
