I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
