I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
