he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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