If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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