Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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