it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
