Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
