Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize