tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
