We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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