Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
