Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
