If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
