literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
