I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
