We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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