dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
