what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
