Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
