i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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