no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
