Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
