I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You took a bar mat shot.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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